My first heartbreak shaped me into who I am today

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My first heartbreak was the worst and also the best thing that has ever happened to me. It was the worst because I was thought I couldn’t live without him, I thought that I would never be able to smile again, I thought I would never see the sun the same anymore and I thought that I would never be able to fall in love with another human being again. It pulled me all the way from feeling like I was on cloud nine, to all the way down to rock bottom and beneath. It made me suffer from depression and social anxiety for one and half years. It made me fear of ever letting my heartbeat again for another guy. It made me see the world and the people in this world in a whole new light. It made me heartless and it made me selfish.

But, it was the best thing that had ever happened because it taught me how strong I really am. For the longest time that I can remember, I was miserable and everyday I woke up feeling like there was no purpose to my life. I don’t think there is a worse feeling than that, it was horrible, I felt so lonely even if a room full of friends surrounded me. This kind of feeling continued for one and a half years, and then suddenly one day, I said to myself that ‘this is enough, I hate this feeling and I want to live again’. From that day onwards, I tried my best to live for myself and I promised myself that I would never allow myself to be heartbroken by another human being. But, it also made me realise that if I could rebuild myself from something like this, I could conquer anything in life.

Although it definitely made me a strong independent person, sadly, my heart still stays closed and I don’t think that I could ever let my heart open completely again. It hurts and it sucks, but that’s life. I think the world we live in is full of people who fear of committing and are scared to show their true emotions because most people deep down have been so hurt and broken before that they rather not take the risk again.

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