I hate this feeling

Every time something good happens in my life, I immediately get scared. I get scared because i’ve been here too many times, I get scared because every time something good happens, there is almost a guarantee that it won’t last.

I thought this time was different though, I thought this time that this was real and that this will last. But how come I have this feeling again? how come you’re still here, but I feel as if you’re gone? how come I already feel heartbroken even when you haven’t broke my heart? how come I can’t help myself but cry when I think of you gone? how come I have gotten so used to this feeling that i immediately assume the worst in everything?

I honestly hate it. I hate it so much. It hurts and i can’t help it. As must as I try to be positive, I just can’t. I think it’s because i’ve honestly been hurt too many times in my past that I can’t help but think that it’s going to happen again.

I’m so scared , in fact, I am so terrified. That feeling of your heart being broken into a million pieces is honestly the worst feeling in the world and I wouldn’t even wish it upon my worst enemy. Sometimes, I just wish I could stop feeling.

My heart, my poor heart.. I really wish i could protect you, but i can’t and I’m sorry.

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