I’ve never been the type of person to express all my emotions and feelings. I’ve never been the type of person to cry in front of someone or to let my vulnerable side to show. I guess I always wanted to show the best side of me and to let everyone think that I had it all, that my life was perfect. But, I think the fact that I tried so hard to keep everything together made it worse. It made me feel trapped, it made me feel alone and it made me unhappy. I never understood how it felt to feel free, to feel alive and to allow myself to feel vulnerable. But this time, I let myself go. I let myself feel all the emotions and feelings that came after a heartbreak. This time, I let myself hurt and I let myself cry and I let myself to be vulnerable in front of everyone. I openly expressed my feelings to those who are close to me and I openly allowed myself to feel hurt and to admit that I was not ok.
It was the best decision that i’ve ever made. Sure, I was hurt and I did cry a lot and I did scream and blame the world for putting me into this place again. But it was different, I felt a sense of relief afterwards. I felt alive and I felt as if this was an opportunity for me to finally let go of everything and to heal for once and for all. To allow myself to be truly happy and to stop being alone, to stop blaming others for the loneliness that I felt in the past because I know all along it was my fault. I made myself to be lonely, I was the only to shut people out because I couldn’t bare the fact of anyone seeing me vulnerable. But I love it now, I love how there are people who are genuinely there for me when I am vulnerable and it makes me realise how truly blessed I am. It makes me realise that being vulnerable and needing help from those who you love is truly living. To let yourself feel so much and to allow yourself to express what you feel is honestly one of the most purest forms of living. So don’t be afraid of expressing your emotions and your deepest fear, because I promise you, the only way you are ever going to be happy is to let yourself to express freely.