I still want you

You’re not who I fell in love with anymore, but I still want you.

You’re no longer as caring and eager to see me anymore, but I still want you.

You’re not the guy I thought you were, but I still want you.

I know you’re not good for me, but I still want you.

It hurts my heart, because you’re not who I fell in love with..but I still want you.

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When there is a low, there is always a high

Have you ever felt like everything that could possibly go wrong in life is going wrong? Or it feels like your life is slowly crumbling down on you? We’ll I’ve had this feeling plenty of times and from that I’ve learnt three things.

Firstly, with every low there is almost a guarantee high. If you honestly think that everything is going wrong, then what else could possibly happen? It can only get better from here. So instead of dwelling on what is wrong, focus on how things are going to turn right and observe how things slowly change. You will realise that feeling of ‘low’ will eventually shift in direction.

Secondly, take every low as an opportunity for change. You are feeling this ‘low’ because you don’t like where you are. In fact, you hate it. Then you must change what you are doing, you must do something that you normally don’t. If you want to change the person you are, then you need to be willing to do something you don’t usually do. Step out of your comfort zone, work on yourself and make a positive change. It won’t be easy, but it will bring a change to your life and I promise you it will be worth it.

Lastly, feeling ‘low’ is something that everyone feels in their life. But take it as the universe telling you to move, to change, to improve and to become a better you. If you don’t feel this low, then you will never understand how good a ‘high’ feels. But in order to feel that, you must constantly work on yourself, evaluate why you’re feeling this way and try your best to eliminate anything that causes it.

A ‘low’ is sometimes a blessing in disguise, you just don’t know it yet.

I will never forget your smile

Even though you left me, I will never forget you. I still find pieces of you in others and maybe that’s why I end up falling for them. Maybe that’s why I fell in love with the guy who had a similar smile to yours and maybe that’s why I fell in love with the guy who had the same laugh as yours. After all it was your smile that made me fall for you. It was the way you smiled that made me want to make you happy…and so I tried my hardest to make you to keep that smile of yours..and I guess that’s where I went wrong, because I forgot to smile myself. But even though you left long ago, the sight of your contagious and beautiful smile is still deeply embedded in my mind. I still get the same feeling when I see a smile like yours, it’s a bittersweet feel and a feeling that makes my heart hurt a little more each time.

Oh, my silly heart

My tender heart,

Oh you silly little thing

You opened up again didn’t you?

You’re feeling pain again aren’t you?

You find it hard to breathe sometimes, don’t you?

Oh you silly little thing,

Didn’t anyone ever warn you about this type of pain?

This pain that has no theory to backup

This pain that can not be cured by medicine or a doctor

This pain that feels so deep within you that you start to wonder where it ends

Oh my tender heart

You are so pure

You are so scared

But you are real

And that’s all that matters

Why am I the one who has to suffer?

When someone you love leaves you, they don’t just leave you physically, but they leave you with hurt, pain and suffering. I don’t know if they are also in pain, but all I know is that they leave without any hesitation, and leave you to suffer alone. In my opinion, it is absolute bullshit. I refuse to be the one who suffers long after you’re gone. It’s not fair and it’s not right.

Why am I the one who feels sad that you are gone? why am I the one who misses you? why am I the one who feels lonely? why am I the one who wants you back into my life even though you have done me wrong? and why aren’t you the one to feel all of that?

As much as I know that I am the only one who misses what we had, I still can’t help myself but to feel the pain in my chest. All I can tell myself is to stop feeling all of this, because I know you are doing just fine without me and I know that you have moved on without any hesitation at all. I am the only one suffering from your mistakes, from you leaving me. It’s not fair, but I can’t do much about it..all I can do is keep telling myself that the only one suffering is myself, so just move on.

 

Work on yourself and that’s all you need to do

From all the lows that I have experienced, my final advice and lesson that I have learn’t is to simply never stop working on yourself. In fact, all you should be focusing on every single minute of the day is working on yourself. No body else in this world is going to love or care about you, more than yourself. Even the person who swore that they would do anything for you, most likely wouldn’t. In the end, you are the one who will have the best interest in yourself. So do yourself a favour and never stop working on yourself, for yourself.

What does this mean? It means figuring out what you really want in life, it means writing it down and figuring out a plan to attain it. Once you start to work on yourself and improve who you are, things somehow start falling into place. People will start realising your worth and they will rise to your expectations. Why? because you have set out an example of what you want in others. There is an old saying, ‘you are who you will attract’ and I honestly believe in that completely. If you consciously make an effort to improve yourself and to work hard everyday towards your goals, you will attract likeminded people. Vice versa. You will stop settling for less because you have simply realised your worth.

So no matter what happens in life, no matter if you’re unhappy or happy with yourself. Just keep working on yourself and view it as something that you need to do in order to breathe. In order to succeed in life.

Something in me is missing, but I don’t know what it is..

Do you ever get that feeling where nothing is wrong in your life, but you feel as if something is missing or that it just doesn’t seem right? I find myself constantly asking myself, ‘is this all there is to life?’ because I can’t imagine living the rest of my life like this. I want something so spectacular in life, I want to feel alive and I want to live a life full of abundance. I just don’t know where to go or what to do yet. I am doing everything that I can, but this feeling inside of me won’t go away. I guess when that feeling goes away one day.. then i’ll finally know why.

The moment you let yourself express your emotions is the moment you gain happiness and clarity.

I’ve never been the type of person to express all my emotions and feelings. I’ve never been the type of person to cry in front of someone or to let my vulnerable side to show. I guess I always wanted to show the best side of me and to let everyone think that I had it all, that my life was perfect. But, I think the fact that I tried so hard to keep everything together made it worse. It made me feel trapped, it made me feel alone and it made me unhappy. I never understood how it felt to feel free, to feel alive and to allow myself to feel vulnerable. But this time, I let myself go. I let myself feel all the emotions and feelings that came after a heartbreak. This time, I let myself hurt and I let myself cry and I let myself to be vulnerable in front of everyone. I openly expressed my feelings to those who are close to me and I openly allowed myself to feel hurt and to admit that I was not ok.

It was the best decision that i’ve ever made. Sure, I was hurt and I did cry a lot and I did scream and blame the world for putting me into this place again. But it was different, I felt a sense of relief afterwards. I felt alive and I felt as if this was an opportunity for me to finally let go of everything and to heal for once and for all. To allow myself to be truly happy and to stop being alone, to stop blaming others for the loneliness that I felt in the past because I know all along it was my fault. I made myself to be lonely, I was the only to shut people out because I couldn’t bare the fact of anyone seeing me vulnerable. But I love it now, I love how there are people who are genuinely there for me when I am vulnerable and it makes me realise how truly blessed I am. It makes me realise that being vulnerable and needing help from those who you love is truly living. To let yourself feel so much and to allow yourself to express what you feel is honestly one of the most purest forms of living. So don’t be afraid of expressing your emotions and your deepest fear, because I promise you, the only way you are ever going to be happy is to let yourself to express freely.

Heartbreaks will always hurt.

It all feels too familiar and maybe it is, because this feeling in your heart is something that you can’t simply forget. Even though I can forget memories, I just can’t seem to forget this familiar feeling of a million stabs in my chest, in my heart. I’d like to think that from all the pain and heartbreaks that I have overcome in the past, that this time it would be easier and less painful.

But it happened again and as much as I’d like to say that it is easier, it really isn’t. The pain that you get in your heart is something that you can’t control, it isn’t controlled by your mind and that is something that I had to realise and come to terms with. The feeling you get in your heart is not logical and it is not something that you can often find a reason for. It just happens. Just like love and heartbreak, it just happens. Although it doesn’t get easier, the way you handle it can certainly make it easier. This time, although the emotional pain hurt just as much as every other heartbreak, I can say that I am in a much better state of healing than I ever have been. This time, I realised that I didn’t completely lose myself and I think the reason why it takes so long for many people to heal is because they often lose who they are. They forget who they were before they met the person who broke their heart. They forget how they used to act and they forget how to survive alone. I guess, through this heartbreak I learnt how strong I really have become and how the best thing after a heartbreak is to just get up and move on. To realise a heartbreak is actually the start of something new and that it only gets better from here. One thing that always gets me through my hard times in life is realising that, if this is what I call an ‘all time low, then it can only go up from here‘. You may be sad right now and you may feel as if you have no purpose to live on. But that’s just your mind trying to find a reason for the pain that you’re feeling in your heart, but it’s not logical and it’s not real. Trust that things will get better and that a heartbreak is not necessarily a bad thing, think of it as a new beginning, a chance to improve yourself and a chance to change your life to the way you want it to be.

Never let a heartbreak break you, always look forward and never back.

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