Sick of this fake love

I’m sick of all the small talk

And the nights spent wasting on someone who doesn’t stay.

I’m sick of all the promises

And how they are always made by those who lie.

I’m sick of dealing with other’s problems

And how they never cared about mine.

I’m sick of always being the strong one

And how hard it can be sometimes.

But most of all, I’m sick of all this fake love

And now it’s time to move on to something real.

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Sitting under the stars

I’m sitting under the stars alone

I get this feeling in my heart,

Tears just want to run down my face

I let them run down and the worst thing is I don’t even know why I get this feeling inside of me

Then suddenly I look at the stars again and I realise how small I am and maybe that’s why it hurts.

I feel alive again

Her hearts been shattered a million times

And she’s cried herself to bed one too many times.

Her room is full, yet she feels empty.

Her energy is low, yet she still breathes.

She knows giving up is the easy way out.

Yet she knows her life is not destined for regret

and this sudden storm awakes her from her fear.

She gets up.

She breathes.

And for the first time in her life, she feels alive.

She is breathing, her heart is pumping and she fears nothing.

This is her life and she wrote it herself.

Imagine living your dream

We all have dreams and goals, as little as they can be, we all have them. However, the name can be misleading and often scare us from accomplishing them. A dream seems unrealistic, it’s called a dream because it happens in our sleep and not in real life when we are awake. But just imagine not ever being able to live your dream, isn’t that more scary? so why not give it a try?

I’ve always had a dream to be someone who is not working an ordinary 9-5 job, someone who can travel and explore the world without feeling guilty. Someone who is much more than who I am right now. But I’ve always said it’s my ‘dream’ my life ‘goal’, something that I most likely won’t attain.

But why not? If I can dream it, if I want it that badly, then I believe that I can achieve it. So this year I’ve decided to change my words into actions, to make baby steps each day that will eventually lead me to my ‘dream life’. I mean, the least you can do is say that you’ve tried. Don’t let fear get in your way and don’t ever let yourself feel regret in the future.

Don’t chase people, chase yourself

“Don’t ever chase people, but instead, chase yourself”

I’ve always loved myself, well..at least I thought I did. When people say you have to love yourself before you love others, I agreed and I thought that is what I did. But I was wrong, I was so wrong.

If I loved myself, I wouldn’t have let myself chase other people. If I loved myself, I wouldn’t have blamed myself for others faults and their decisions. If I truely loved myself, I would have chased after myself, after my own dreams, goals and wellbeing. But instead, I always chased after others. I cared about their dreams more than mine and I think that’s where I lost myself.

This year, I have promised myself that I will only chase after myself. I will dedicate my time to improving myself, focusing on my own goals, my own dreams and becoming that person who glows because that’s what happens when you actually decide to love yourself.

New year, new hopes

I hope you can reflect on everything that has happened in the past year, I hope you don’t simply forget about all the hard times that you went through. Instead, I want you to take it all in and to realise how much you have gone through and how much you have grown in the past year. For me, 2017 was a year full of ups and downs. The ups and downs were extreme, there were times when I felt depressed and anxious, but there were also times where I felt so alive and so happy.

2018 is a new year though and for many people they would say ‘it’s time to say bye to 2017 and to move on’. For me, I want to remember 2017, it was the year I finally realised what I wanted in life and how much love I owe to myself. So I like to think of 2017 as the year that prepared me for the amazing 2018 that I am going to experience. In 2018, I will take action on my thoughts and ideas, I will wake up every morning positive and I will remember everything that has happened in 2017 as a reminder of how far I have gone. 2018 is my year and 2018 is also yours. Grab onto it, enjoy it and conquer it with everything you’ve got.

Wrapping up 2017

2017 is a definitely a year that left an impact on me. 2017 really challenged me as a person, it showed me both extreme highs and extreme lows which ultimately shaped me into who I am today.

The beginning of 2017 was a steady continuum of 2016, I was working part time and still in a toxic casual relationship that was draining me one day at a time. In other words, I really did not have much going on for me and I was definitely not happy with how my life was unfolding.

The mid of 2017 is when everything changed, I quit my job, I quit my toxic relationship and I also lost one of my closest friends. I could say ‘life really went to shits’, I remember on the day that I finally decided to leave my toxic relationship I cried like a baby in the car, I remember clearly thinking to myself how I absolutely hated my life and who I was. I remember feeling intensely lonely, so lonely because the person who I loved couldn’t care less about me, my best friend was gone and I left a job that once made me so happy. For once, I felt so lost and in need of a superior guidance. I remember going home and writing down everything that I felt and to remember this day because it honestly was one of the hardest days that I had to go through.

Towards the later half of the year, things slowly got better. I met a guy that showed me a different side of life, showed me a different way of living and somehow managed to change me as a person slowly. He showed me how to express my emotions more, how to take life less seriously and he genuinely made me laugh again. I was honestly really happy during this time and I remember thinking how blessed I was to have everything that I do have and to have such amazing people surrounding me. However, this didn’t last too long. Soon we broke it off because we were both on different pages of this relationship. The timing was horrible, it was during my practical placement which already made me extremely stressed. I remember almost losing myself emotionally, I felt so weak and unstable that I didn’t know what to do. But I eventually came to terms with everything and tried to use this experience as a way to better myself and to grow as a person. I promised that I would never fall back into a place of being unhappy because it has already consumed way too much of my life. This experience honestly made me think a lot more about myself, about what I want in life for myself and to be more selfish. I think in the past I’ve always put too much thought and effort into someone else, that I often forgot about my own dreams and goals. It made me so determined and motivated to prove to myself that I can do what I want and that I will live a life that is extraordinary and full of happiness.

The ending of 2017 (now) has made me feel really proud of myself. In 2017 I learnt that life should not be taken so seriously, that emotions and feelings are temporary, that your family and friends are there for a reason, that expressing your emotions and feeling sad does not mean that you are weak, that every low comes with an amazing high, that life is full of unexpected events so always have an open mind and be open to new opportunities. It has made me realise that the most important thing in life is to be happy, to live your own dreams and to accomplish your goals in life.

Therefore, in 2018 I will work hard, I will focus on myself and I will only allow happiness to enter my life and nothing less. I am grateful for what I have accomplished and experienced throughout 2017, but man, I am so ready for 2018! Let’s all enter 2018 with a positive attitude, a year of possibilities, growth and pure happiness! I am so ready!

Little do they know

Her smile touched the darkest lights

But little did they know

She was waiting to be touched

To be saved from the darkest of them all

Her smile was all she knew

To cover her broken heart

To mend the stabbing pain

To never lose track of who she wants to be

Because she keeps smiling

And she will keep on smiling

Till the lights are real and the sun is all she can see.

Something in me is missing, but I don’t know what it is..

Do you ever get that feeling where nothing is wrong in your life, but you feel as if something is missing or that it just doesn’t seem right? I find myself constantly asking myself, ‘is this all there is to life?’ because I can’t imagine living the rest of my life like this. I want something so spectacular in life, I want to feel alive and I want to live a life full of abundance. I just don’t know where to go or what to do yet. I am doing everything that I can, but this feeling inside of me won’t go away. I guess when that feeling goes away one day.. then i’ll finally know why.

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