Don’t chase people, chase yourself

“Don’t ever chase people, but instead, chase yourself”

I’ve always loved myself, least I thought I did. When people say you have to love yourself before you love others, I agreed and I thought that is what I did. But I was wrong, I was so wrong.

If I loved myself, I wouldn’t have let myself chase other people. If I loved myself, I wouldn’t have blamed myself for others faults and their decisions. If I truely loved myself, I would have chased after myself, after my own dreams, goals and wellbeing. But instead, I always chased after others. I cared about their dreams more than mine and I think that’s where I lost myself.

This year, I have promised myself that I will only chase after myself. I will dedicate my time to improving myself, focusing on my own goals, my own dreams and becoming that person who glows because that’s what happens when you actually decide to love yourself.


New year, new hopes

I hope you can reflect on everything that has happened in the past year, I hope you don’t simply forget about all the hard times that you went through. Instead, I want you to take it all in and to realise how much you have gone through and how much you have grown in the past year. For me, 2017 was a year full of ups and downs. The ups and downs were extreme, there were times when I felt depressed and anxious, but there were also times where I felt so alive and so happy.

2018 is a new year though and for many people they would say ‘it’s time to say bye to 2017 and to move on’. For me, I want to remember 2017, it was the year I finally realised what I wanted in life and how much love I owe to myself. So I like to think of 2017 as the year that prepared me for the amazing 2018 that I am going to experience. In 2018, I will take action on my thoughts and ideas, I will wake up every morning positive and I will remember everything that has happened in 2017 as a reminder of how far I have gone. 2018 is my year and 2018 is also yours. Grab onto it, enjoy it and conquer it with everything you’ve got.

Wrapping up 2017

2017 is a definitely a year that left an impact on me. 2017 really challenged me as a person, it showed me both extreme highs and extreme lows which ultimately shaped me into who I am today.

The beginning of 2017 was a steady continuum of 2016, I was working part time and still in a toxic casual relationship that was draining me one day at a time. In other words, I really did not have much going on for me and I was definitely not happy with how my life was unfolding.

The mid of 2017 is when everything changed, I quit my job, I quit my toxic relationship and I also lost one of my closest friends. I could say ‘life really went to shits’, I remember on the day that I finally decided to leave my toxic relationship I cried like a baby in the car, I remember clearly thinking to myself how I absolutely hated my life and who I was. I remember feeling intensely lonely, so lonely because the person who I loved couldn’t care less about me, my best friend was gone and I left a job that once made me so happy. For once, I felt so lost and in need of a superior guidance. I remember going home and writing down everything that I felt and to remember this day because it honestly was one of the hardest days that I had to go through.

Towards the later half of the year, things slowly got better. I met a guy that showed me a different side of life, showed me a different way of living and somehow managed to change me as a person slowly. He showed me how to express my emotions more, how to take life less seriously and he genuinely made me laugh again. I was honestly really happy during this time and I remember thinking how blessed I was to have everything that I do have and to have such amazing people surrounding me. However, this didn’t last too long. Soon we broke it off because we were both on different pages of this relationship. The timing was horrible, it was during my practical placement which already made me extremely stressed. I remember almost losing myself emotionally, I felt so weak and unstable that I didn’t know what to do. But I eventually came to terms with everything and tried to use this experience as a way to better myself and to grow as a person. I promised that I would never fall back into a place of being unhappy because it has already consumed way too much of my life. This experience honestly made me think a lot more about myself, about what I want in life for myself and to be more selfish. I think in the past I’ve always put too much thought and effort into someone else, that I often forgot about my own dreams and goals. It made me so determined and motivated to prove to myself that I can do what I want and that I will live a life that is extraordinary and full of happiness.

The ending of 2017 (now) has made me feel really proud of myself. In 2017 I learnt that life should not be taken so seriously, that emotions and feelings are temporary, that your family and friends are there for a reason, that expressing your emotions and feeling sad does not mean that you are weak, that every low comes with an amazing high, that life is full of unexpected events so always have an open mind and be open to new opportunities. It has made me realise that the most important thing in life is to be happy, to live your own dreams and to accomplish your goals in life.

Therefore, in 2018 I will work hard, I will focus on myself and I will only allow happiness to enter my life and nothing less. I am grateful for what I have accomplished and experienced throughout 2017, but man, I am so ready for 2018! Let’s all enter 2018 with a positive attitude, a year of possibilities, growth and pure happiness! I am so ready!

I still want you

You’re not who I fell in love with anymore, but I still want you.

You’re no longer as caring and eager to see me anymore, but I still want you.

You’re not the guy I thought you were, but I still want you.

I know you’re not good for me, but I still want you.

It hurts my heart, because you’re not who I fell in love with..but I still want you.

The real meaning of change

Change can be a scary thing, especially when you are so comfortable and used to what you do or have. But change is the only thing that will let you grow and bring out the real meaning of life. Without change, you will be stagnated. Without change, that dream that you keep in the back of your mind will only ever be a dream. Without change, you will feel safe but you will not be satisfied. Without change, you will not be able to change your current self or your current life.

Change is a terrifying thing for many people, but it is the catalyst to new beginnings, new opportunities and to potentially satisfying your ultimate dream life. So don’t fear change, step out of your comfort zone and get comfortable with change.

Fear is holding you back in life

I don’t think people realise how much their fears are holding them back. I mean, neither did I. But if you think about it, most of the things that you wish you did but you didn’t do is most likely because you were scared. You were scared that it wouldn’t turn out right, you were afraid that if you tried you might end up in a position that is worst than where you are right now.

I get it, I totally get it. For the longest time, I’ve settled for less because I was scared I wouldn’t meet someone better, I was scared that I wouldn’t get a better job and I was scared that people would think differently of me if I were to do what I wanted to. But do you know where that lead me? one thing is, it definitely didn’t lead me to happiness. Instead, it lead me to a life where I kept questioning ‘what if?’ and ‘if only’. These are questions that arise because you regret the things you didn’t do when you could of and the main culprit of this all is because of this feeling of being scared and afraid.

I’m telling you this now because it has honestly changed my life for the better. Don’t ever be scared to do what you want, if it means that much to you then do it. Do it without any hesitation and don’t ever let the feeling of ‘fear’ go anywhere near you. Why? because life is simply too short to regret anything you could’ve done. What’s the harm in failing anyway? Sure, you will be disappointed and upset. But we all fail in life and most of the time we end up better after we fail. This silly thing called ‘fear’ is just holding you back from you potentially achieving anything in life. Just let it go and see where it takes you.

When there is a low, there is always a high

Have you ever felt like everything that could possibly go wrong in life is going wrong? Or it feels like your life is slowly crumbling down on you? We’ll I’ve had this feeling plenty of times and from that I’ve learnt three things.

Firstly, with every low there is almost a guarantee high. If you honestly think that everything is going wrong, then what else could possibly happen? It can only get better from here. So instead of dwelling on what is wrong, focus on how things are going to turn right and observe how things slowly change. You will realise that feeling of ‘low’ will eventually shift in direction.

Secondly, take every low as an opportunity for change. You are feeling this ‘low’ because you don’t like where you are. In fact, you hate it. Then you must change what you are doing, you must do something that you normally don’t. If you want to change the person you are, then you need to be willing to do something you don’t usually do. Step out of your comfort zone, work on yourself and make a positive change. It won’t be easy, but it will bring a change to your life and I promise you it will be worth it.

Lastly, feeling ‘low’ is something that everyone feels in their life. But take it as the universe telling you to move, to change, to improve and to become a better you. If you don’t feel this low, then you will never understand how good a ‘high’ feels. But in order to feel that, you must constantly work on yourself, evaluate why you’re feeling this way and try your best to eliminate anything that causes it.

A ‘low’ is sometimes a blessing in disguise, you just don’t know it yet.

I will never forget your smile

Even though you left me, I will never forget you. I still find pieces of you in others and maybe that’s why I end up falling for them. Maybe that’s why I fell in love with the guy who had a similar smile to yours and maybe that’s why I fell in love with the guy who had the same laugh as yours. After all it was your smile that made me fall for you. It was the way you smiled that made me want to make you happy…and so I tried my hardest to make you to keep that smile of yours..and I guess that’s where I went wrong, because I forgot to smile myself. But even though you left long ago, the sight of your contagious and beautiful smile is still deeply embedded in my mind. I still get the same feeling when I see a smile like yours, it’s a bittersweet feel and a feeling that makes my heart hurt a little more each time.

Oh, my silly heart

My tender heart,

Oh you silly little thing

You opened up again didn’t you?

You’re feeling pain again aren’t you?

You find it hard to breathe sometimes, don’t you?

Oh you silly little thing,

Didn’t anyone ever warn you about this type of pain?

This pain that has no theory to backup

This pain that can not be cured by medicine or a doctor

This pain that feels so deep within you that you start to wonder where it ends

Oh my tender heart

You are so pure

You are so scared

But you are real

And that’s all that matters

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